Why a predictable routine helps

Big feelings are part of growing up. A calm-down routine gives your child a clear path from overwhelm to control, which reduces the length and intensity of upsets. It also builds confidence, because your child learns there are steps they can take to feel better. Parents benefit too, since a shared plan lowers stress and creates consistency across home, school, and the community.

Children borrow our calm before they build their own. Practice the routine together when everyone is already regulated.

Many children who are sensitive to noise, crowds, or transitions thrive with a predictable plan. A brief note: about 1 in 36 children in the United States are identified with autism spectrum disorder (ASD), and structured routines often support self-regulation for these children.

Build a simple plan

  • Pick a cue: Agree on a signal that means it is time to start the routine, like a word, hand sign, or card.
  • Create a visual: Use a small picture strip or “first, then” card to show the steps.
  • Teach one breath: For example, smell the flower, blow the candle, three times.
  • Add a movement reset: Wall push, hand press, or slow chair rock for 20 to 30 seconds.
  • Offer a sensory tool: Noise-reducing headphones, a fidget, or a favorite page of a book.
  • Close the loop: Check how the body feels, choose to repeat or return to the activity.

Keep it short, about two to five minutes. The best mantra is predictable, portable, and practiced. For example: “Signal, three breaths, wall push, headphones, check-in.” Put the steps on a key-ring card and keep one in the backpack and one at home.

Tips for success

Teach the routine during calm moments, then rehearse with a timer or simple role-play. Model the steps yourself so your child sees what to do. Offer choices inside the structure, such as choosing the sensory tool, to boost buy-in. Celebrate small wins, like starting the first step without a prompt. If a step becomes a struggle, simplify it or shorten the time.

Professionals can help tailor routines to your child’s needs. Occupational therapists analyze triggers and match calming input, while speech-language pathologists create visual supports and simple scripts that fit your child’s language level. The goal is the same: a routine your child understands, practices, and trusts.